I don’t know if it’s too late for this but had to give it a shot. I have been blessed over the last ten years with a writing ministry which may lead into a career writer, as well as many wonderful relationships and a wonderful wife. However because of my struggle with Autism (only diagnosed through therapists so unofficial) and social anxiety (no doubt on this one) it has led to episodes of pychosis over the last several years which has threatened my relationship with God, my writing ministry, and definitely my wife and my closest friends. I know a person can be forgiven but whether or not relationships can be restored is debatable. It takes consistency and hard work which I haven’t been good at till the last month or so. My relationship with God was restored over the summer but still faced the consequences of the past which can be fixed too. However many will see me as a wolf in sheep’s clothing and just trying to manipulate their affections to get back into their lives. Whether you believe me or not, whoever on here I have hurt I am truly sorry and I’m aware I will more than likely be forgiven but whether or not I get restored fellowship may or may not be possible. Sometimes the best thing to do when you hurt people is to apologize and get out of their lives and make new ones someplace else. God is the God of second chances. I’ve tried medications for my condition but because of my charismatic convictions nothing ever worked so I was in and out of psych hospitals several times in between the death of both parents. The medical field only knows how to diagnose andprescribe meds. Meds never worked on me because I always had side effects. I found the best counselor in the world through Mark Verkler and Samaritan’s Well in Richardson through New Life Ministries and through God’s grace and this guy I have been set free but would like to restore my relationships and prove myself to them which could take at least the whole year. After fasting from relationships for the last two months I realized my only sin was allowing fear to hold me back in life. It was a coworker that told me he could tell I was afraid of something. Fear leads to anger which is anger turned inward. Plus I have an anxiety disorder which I have overcome because my wife gave me confidence (although the glory belongs to God because He works through people). Depression can lead to psychosis if left untreated. Meds aren’t the only cure. I’m not putting down meds because God can heal through meds too. It’s an individual conviction. Before taking lifelong meds a person should seek God first and foremost because lifelong meds can make one more dependent on the medicine than on God which is another form of chemical dependency. Once again I apologize and hope I can maintain the awesome people God has put in my life (everybody on this list). It would help keep me accountable in my spiritual treatment. I could use prayers too because there’s no such thing as a lone ranger believer. One way or the other my New Year’s Resolution (I’m hellbent on keeping this one-sorry for the french) is not to let fear hold me back and to have the years restored that I lost. Probably close to 30 of them which being a day with God is as 1000 years would be somewhere around half an hour. LOL. I know it’ll take longer than that. Most importantly if any “spiritual articles” have benefited anybody it would be an encouragement because I can’t decide whether my lack of faith the last 9 years makes me qualified to put the effort into managing a blog. Even if it’s using my spiritual gift and I still feel inspired, sin can still ruin ministries if not relationships. A pastor who made this confession could get fired and have to go into business or teaching or something. I would like to continue doing it but if it’s not right to do so I will shut the blog down and just do personal journals. In closing, Love you guys in Jesus’s name (hope you caught that because I’m not that expressive enough to do it repeatedly-most you’ll get out of me is a hug).
Sincerely,
The writer formerly known as the big e